Fie... ^^

Mood= bubbly
Song= Tamia - So into you.

I realised.. how much we have missed out. How we seem to click so well but never really let us click? I skrewed my life up once.. twice and I'm not gonna let it happen again. You guys were disappointed in me.. I know. And somehow I'm glad I didn't go to bintan with you guys during activity week. And I remember.. it was sometime during this time last year when we the worst enemies of all. If I could have changed the way things were.. maybe I wouldnt... because it was the past that brought us to this state. ^^ It's scary but it seems like our road of bumpiness has ended. Has it?... We'll see how it goes.. =)

Thanks for being there for me and listening to me. In a way I owe you an aplogy but you know I love you. hehe..

The downfall...

Mood= Worried

Ok... so it's the 4th week of school and things are well.. not going my way. In art, I have four 0's in a row from not doing my homework. Physics, I didn't hand in 2 of some shit ass worksheet. Bio, I failed my test and and revision sheet. How impossible but I did. Math, didn't know jack on my test today.. at least I think I knew half of it... French, I didn't do my homework but go away with it. History, Thank God but miss wasn't in school for 3 lessons in a row now.. Which means that my pile of un-done homework for history is stacking up. Now that's at least half of my course which I'm gonna fail. What a great way to start fucking grade 10. Go figure.

Anyhow, I'm starting to get real lazy to write in here considering my oh-so-busy life right now. Sigh... but the good or happy news for today is that I recieved a bouquet of daisies from John today. =) I'ts really beautiful. It's for our 3 months anniversary from yesterday.

So now.. I'm gonna fucking finish my full artist research for art which I didn't even start yet.

-You won't be surprised if I end up in the hospital...-

Happy Anniversary baby.
It's been 12 hours and 40 minutes past midnight.
But I was with you..
Nothing's better then that.

Still Strong.
It's amazing that in 2 days we would have been significant others for 3 months. It's short but yet, long. In John's case that is...

In the last 3 months (nearly) we have been in countless arguements and we even broke up once, but patched back 2 hours later. The relationship started off rather shakey mainly because the trust wasn't much there and also tons of insecurities. But within the 3 months, we managed to patch up the holes and just build up the trust. It's amazing how we worked this far.. and further more to go.

People actually thought that we wouldn't be together for over a month or two. So far, I only know 3, but I'm sure that there are many more out there.. Am I right?

So.. If the world was gonna end in the next 5 seconds, I'll actually die happy writing this knowing how I really feel and actually not have any ANY insecurities.. at least I think I'll still be writing this or thinking if I'll end up in Heaven or Hell.

I think too much.

I'm smiling. =) (How random can I get?)

And if the world ended now, you know that I'll be thinking about you.

Mood= Tired
Song= Ashlee Simpson - Pieces of Me

I'm still sick.. having the worst sore throat in my entire life. Luckly, I'm able to talk.. I nearly lost my voice today though. Sigh..
Been so so busy today in school. My lunch time has never been this busy before. Lunch is for an hour, and within that, half an hour was taken up for a MUN meeting, then, had to go next door for a stupid presentation which I did not know about until second period. urgh.. so Aura and I ran down to the library to print last minute stuff off about Shakespeare. Ran back up and 10 minutes passed. Presentation took another 15 minutes. Only had 5 minutes of time to still run around school to do what I have to do. In the end, bell ran, and I was starving. Sigh... I swear my fever came back til the end of the school day. Anyways.. On to better stuff...

So, for my art project on myself, I had to go around and ask my peps which animal resembles me and why?! These are the nice and retarded ones I got..// hehe.. I still love you guys.

John: Pig, Because I'm cute, have chubby cheeks and alot of other things which he can't be bothered to say. (Sigh.. darling. =p)
Denise: Rat, Because I'm sneaky, smelly, irritating, stupid, and mosquito breeder! (Denise.. I know you didn't mean it, you just want it written in my art book.. =p Or did you? haha!)
Benita: Horse, Because i'm a rebel, wanna be free but always kept in a cage. (Girl.. you know me well..!)
Cris: Cat, because of cat movenments and I'm around alot of people, kinda like an animal that moves around in packs. (haha.. thank you cris. I'm a *meow*)
Fie: Pig, because I like to relax, pig out, don't notice when a pig (I) gets fat, cute, like a fat baby pig. (Fie sayang! I never knew I was so so cute to you! =D)
Stella: Snake, because sometimes I'm harmful and somtimes I'm not. (sister.. you know me best!)
George: Dog, because I'm energetic. (No doubt about that! but.. energetic at what ah?... haha! jk)
Mikail: Squirrel, because I'm smally cute, so small that you can cuddle up, always smiling, quick as in that one second he see's me the other second he doesn't. (ha! i know right? =p)
Nico: Dog, because of the style of my hair and my nose. (what the hell nico? ahha! you were dating a dog! muahahHAH!)
Alex: Squirrel, because of my teeth, cheeks and eyes. (i know.. I eat too much nuts... got any to spare? ahha! omg.. ewwww.. nvm!)
Ai: Dog, because I look like one. (wow.. I'm a dog.. by popular demand!)
Jared: Donkey, because I look like one (ok.. I'm a donkey mix dog?!?! nasty.......................................)
Dad: Dog, because I'm honest, faithful and loyal. (awwwww... now why can't my mum see that?! sigh....)
Victoria: Bird, because I'm crap. (ooh.. I just love my friends... so so nice comments... er....)
Karthik: Peacock, because I'm proud and beautiful. (I know right? ahah! jk)

What a good list.. bleh.. haha! anyways...
Tata~~
- 5 more days -
Bernz

A new ring is a bit like a new relationship.
It's shiny, polished and full of love.
Months pass,
Arguements increase,
The ring is tarnishing...
But under it, the love is there..
Just,
Hidden.

The ring begins to have scratches,
Like how it is in the heart.
Now the ring is full of dents,
Like how it is in the heart.

And now,
You try your best to polish the tarnish from your ring.
Like how you're trying to love once again.
You're trying...
Still trying.

The ring is polished, shiny and full of love again,
But it's still full of scratches and dents.
You tried your best to polish them away,
But they just won't go.

So tell me, obviously,
The heart is still filled with scratches and dents.
No matter how hard you polish or erase,
It won't go.

Mood= Pissed Off..
Song= Toni Braxton - Spanish Guitar

Somehow that song reminds me of you. Or the both of you. No.. that's just wrong.

2.30am is the time now and I'm still on my homework which I started 3 hours ago.

My vision just gone blurr on me, everything seems so close but far at the same time.
I'm having so many things on my mind I don't know which to think about.

... Where are you?.. You're usually online at this time taking to me, encouraging me to finish my homework, you lecturing me when it should be me lecturing you. But.. I don't miss you.. I can't really say anything. I just like your company but he doesn't like it.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Darlign Ge ge.. looks like you'll be my late nights homework kick ass partner from now on. From stressing about not being able to finish our work to transfering music. Not bed eh.. And you're best at talking cock.
*De Ja Vu* Oh! Prananda in english today! while giving a presentation about Shakespeare...
Pranada: They had many different kinds of leasure to pass time. there were Bowls,... (more which I forgot) and cock fighting.
The whole class: *silence*
Prananda: No No! Not that.. I meant cock as in chicken you know.. Not that!
The whole class: *starts cracking our ass up and claping our hands* Even Mr.Powles thought it was funny.
Sigh.. Prananda.. My baby cobra.
Anyways, back to Ge.. My internet isn't slow! Oh.. send Dreamz Fm song again to me ya..

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I miss you.
I miss everything about you.
I want to see you.
I can't wait to see you.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Yawn*.. I'm so tired i fell asleep on my keyboard.
Time: 3.35.. an hour passed.
I have still Math, Bio, English (presentation again tomorrow. For darling's english class... bleh).
Looks like I wont be sleeping tonight so early Sorry's for me being/going to be moody. Lack of sleep = Moody Bernz = Stay away from me.
Read my art book and you'll know what I mean. Oh yes, I finished that myself description and I did well on it after all.. I'm feeling happy about it.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- 9 more days -
So where was i?...
Love you baby,
Bernz

Mood= Accomplished
Song= Marron 5 - Sunday Morning

One on my left.. Another on my right.
I'm in the center. I don't know which side to turn to.

Bernz

Mood= Peeved.
Song= Juvenile - Slow Motion

You.
I've known you the longest.
But yet, not the best.
Just not.

You were like my brother,
My best friend,
My soul mate.

Never would I think that,
Things would ever change between us.
We would be the mischievous ones,
The ones who will run around having water fights.
The ones who will pair up for almost everything.

We would have hours on end talks,
About how carefree and content we were.
Laughs of our (or mine) foolishness and,
How one day we would graduate together,
And see the world as a big IB Dipolma.
Our aim to get since Middle School.

The day you stopped talking to me,
Was the day I realised how much you meant to me.
How I've been so inprudent to you,
That you thought I disregarded you.

I was distraught and,
You were disappointed and dismayed in me.
The last few months of school were the worst months in my school life,
But in the end I accepted that maybe this was it,
This was the end,
Of our friendship.

No, I couldn't let go,
To who I've grown up with for 5 years.
I started feeling real horrible for what I've caused,
Changing into someone you didn't know,
Someone I didn't know.

Just one simple "Hi",
Would mean the living day lights to me.
Just one simple "How are you?",
Would tell me that you still cared.
So won't you please,
Please,
Take this anxiety away from me.

I'm fading away...
Bit by bit everyday,
Until you save me.
Why don't you just save me.

And you did,
You saved me when I needed you most.
You brought me back,
To all the foolishness, laughters and,
Most importantly,
The friendship.

No one and nothing could ever,
Replace this friendship.
I've learnt to treasure what I have,
And that would be you,
Cris.

Mood= Tired.. =x
Song= R. Kelly - Ignition (Remix)

Condoms were invented and produced for a reason...
- For prostitutes who sell their body for cheap.
- To stop blood circulation to the dick.
- Safe sex.
- And so on...

Condoms which break for a reason...
- Maybe just like a LITTLE too hardcore.
- A dick size of a leg. (wow.. imagine that!)
- The brand you bought sucks. Stick to Durex.

Tata~~ Goodnight.
Bernz

Mood= Tired
Song= Some random song on radio... sounds good thou.

It's only the second week in school as a grade 10 student and this is how I have been developing...
Oh yes.. I'm sick.

5.50am - Woke up.. but fell to sleep for another 15 minutes.

6.05am - Ok, have to get my ass up if not I'm gonna be late for school..

6.25am - Leaves home for school. Falls asleep in the car..

6.50am - Reaches Sg customs, Mum wakes me up and I call John to wake him up.

7 am - Still calling John... Finally he picks up. I'm already on the BKE. I fall back asleep.

7.25am - Reaches school and still sleeping in the car.

7.35am - Wakes up and John's not in school yet so I start walking up to school.

7.40am - Still walkin up to school.. probably the longest walk up in my past 5 years.

7.45am - Sees my baby in school.

8am - Homeroom starts. Annoying Dr.Mathews starts talking.. I wonder off to some other world.

8.20am - History class. Ultimately boring.. and class is so cold I wouldn't stop sniffing.. 3 other people in class are sick too... Cris, Panda and Khartik.

9.35am - Break! wheeee!

9.50am - French class... holy fuck. I swear my French teacher is gay. He won't stop playing with his chest hair!.. I Start eating Oreo's and Fie begs to read my messages in my phone. Ok la.. not like I have anything to hide.
--I think I totally forgot my French..

11.10am - Yes! French is over! LUNCH! oh wait.. no.. there just had to assembly. Faris is giving out book marks and I start grabbing like 5..

11.20am - Boring......... the hall was hot to I took all the book marks I could find and made it into a fan.. aaaaah.. alot better now. John's phone starts beeping..

11.40am - WOO! Assembly's over.. but poor baby has to stay in for grade 11 and 12 longer assembly. Jody, Howard and John's mum comes to school..

11.45am - Jody was just about to storm into the hall and grab John out.. funny I tell you.

11.50am - John gets out from assembly.. finally.

12.10pm - Spends the rest of lunch with John's family.. Denise and Travis.
John's sleek plan to get Jody into his Bio class and fool Mathews that Jody was a new student. Don't know if it worked... For me.. I headed for Math.

12.20pm - Only 10 minutes into class I fell asleep...

1.30pm - Break... yes.. out of that class... into the last class of the day. woooo!
see's John.. he's all moody because of after school.. I was too..

1.40pm - Bio class. The ultimately best class of the day. Get to listen to Dr's horrible pronounciation.. can make fun of him. Fooling around in his class.. I bet we are on the best list for that. =p I start playing Tic Tac Toe with george. George poking me and poked my hips?!.. Then I tekan him about me beating him at GB at the first game I play.. Ge ge.. admit that you lost la.. ahah! Starts talking to Alex about haunted houses in Sg. Cris, Aura, Alex and I started talking about guys when they're drunk. Really.. Aura and I really didn't have to know! What this what that. Hmmm..

3pm - School's out! Baby's moody, scared, and peeved. I was too..
Talk with my Mum wasn't so bad after all.. Baby.. I still love you. =)

3.10pm - Makes my way back to Jb and heads to City Square for shopping! Bought John a shirt.

6pm - Reach home.. Dead tired.. Goes online for 15 mins and Cris starts asking me what animal resembles him. Cris = a dog.

6.15pm - Heads to bed for a nap..

7.35pm - Wakes up.. and until now.. Doing my homeword and this...

Ok.. so I haven't been developing but I've been to school early ever since school started! I'm so proud of myself..

4 IGCSE subjects that i'll be taking..
English
Math
IT
Science
The rest can kiss my ass..

Bernz - Muah

I wish I never entered... into a place full of insecurties.
I read some things I wish I never read.
I start asking myself for the millionth time, do you really or do you think you just do?
You say you really do.
I start doubting you.

I let go of my past.
You said you let go of yours.
In a way, I still can't quite believe you.
I want to.
I'm trying to.

Sometimes words just isn't enough.
It's amazing how the mind works.
It plays tricks with you,
It goes against you at times.
Or are you just making them up?
Making them seem so real and,
Obviously you have been lying to yourself and me.

Goodbye.
Bernz

A person I can't live without.

1. John

2 things never to say after a break up.

1. Man.. you do suck at sex. (if it's over, it's over. Don't come complaining about sex.. if you didn't like it then than why did you say I was good? Cut the crap already..)
2. I pormise I'll never stop talking to you or love you. (If you know you're saying that just to save youself you might as well not. Don't say it when you don't mean it. It just brings the shit in you.)

3 things to do when a person pukes in your car.

1. Make them wash your car with absolutely no smell left
2. Take their wallets, handphones or anything else you want for personal use
3. Then make them walk home.

Simple form of punishment.

4 things I want.

1. Still.. the very sexy K700i
2. BMW Z4
3. BMW M5
4. A Fossil/Esprit watch

5 people I want to spend more time with.

1. John
2. Stella
3. Denise
4. Sara
5. My brother

6 words/sentences I'm trying to stop saying.

1. Dude
2. Man
3. Anything.. You decide
4. I don't know
5. Fuck (I'm trying!)
6. La, Meh, Arh, Lor, and anything else to do with singlish.

7 things I can't live without.

1. Handphone
2. Money
3. Clothes (talking about obvious)
4. My friends
5. Chocolate (I'm cutting down...!)
6. Music (easy to express feelings, easy to find one for the right pissy mood)
7. Computer

8 most favourite songs.

1. Dashboard Confessional - Hands Down
2. Hoobastank - The Reason
3. Jason Mraz - The Remedy
4. Jason Mraz - You And I Both
5. R Kelly - Ignition (Remix)
6. Tamia - Officially Missing You
7. All Stars United - If We Were Lovers
8. Usher - Burn

Actually.. there's more then 8.

Most frequent said.

I Love You.

Mood= Annoyed!

Why is my last entry with some words looking retarded?... bleh..

Bernz

Mood= Dreamy
Song= Selena - Dreaming of you

For you baby..;;
Happy Birthday.

18 and legal. Which means you can buy drinks for me! Wooo! Kidding.
We have been through so much for the past year til we got together about 3 months ago. Had fights here and there, having doubts about each other, you always asking for kisses on the phone, me always being so -retared-, you always talking in your uber cute voice and your beng singing ( Lubching Yooouooouuu ), and I could add a few more thousand million hundred billion million hundred thousand things about us.

Baby, I love you so much and you're such an awesome boyfriend… the best!
Yeah! You awesome cunt! Fucking hell fucking!… Don't be rude esse!

Hehe.. Anyways, I really want you to know that I only love you.. I don't love Nico anymore. He's the past and you're the present and future. If I still love him then why am I with you? Shouldn't I be with him? I'm not with him because I don't love him and I love you. I'm sure that this issue is still up in your head somewhere. Like I said, I love the memories of Nico, not Nico himself. We had some great time together and that's it. That's all I have from him. I really want to clarify this issue with you that I don't love him anymore. We have been going back and forth on this issue ever since I got together with you. For the last time, Baby, I love you and you only. (See.. insecurities.) You're not going to loose me.. not to Nico or to anyone else. (I have my own insecurities about you too..)

hope that you had fun on Friday and Saturday (it's past midnight…) with the whole chalet thing. I'm sorry if it looked like I was pissed off or angry but I wasn't. I have no reason to. It's your birthday party and I don't mind you drinking... well, only after you became drunk and now, I don't really like it when you're drunk. One, you think way TOO much and two, you become upset about it which leaves me wondering what the hell is going on and you wouldn't tell me! Three, you don't remember anything you say but that's ok... that’s what you get from drinking and I don;t mind reminding you anyways.

BABY, STOP PUNCHING WALLS OR ANYTHING HARD ENOUGH FOR YOU TO PUNCH ON. YOU ARE NOT ATTRACTED TO THEM AND THEY DON'T LIKE YOU! IT'S YOU THAT GETS HURT. And then I get worried about you, I get angry at you, you promise that you won't do it again... and you'll break it... again. But I still love you anyways.

Sometimes I really wonder, Why you? Why isn't it some other guy? Then the same answer anyways come to my mind that I love you. You can put a smile on my face with just a simple cute smile from yours or as Jody says, turn that frown upside down. Hehe.. You make me feel comfortable and happy at any situation. You take awesome care of me. You make me feel as if I was the only girl in the world that you can't live without (other then your Mum, Jody and Denise). You make me feel special and not to always blame myself for any situation. You do and don't do somethings just to make me feel secure and you changed a bit on your attitude just so that I'm happy. You cut the clubbing nights (you used to club a hell lot!) just to spend time with me. You would come all the way to JB (across the causeway only la.. hehe) just to see me. Babe, I can write a thousand million billion million hundred things but the main point is that you're the one, I love you and I do fear of loosing you too.

Jason Mraz - The Remedy

If you've got the poision I've got the remedy.

Jason Mraz - You and I Both

Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me
Oh things are gonna happen naturally
Oh taking your advice I'm looking on the bright side And balancing the whole thing
But often times those words get tangled up in lines
And the bright lights turn to night
Until the dawn it brings
Another day to sing about the magic that was you and me

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
Others only read of the love, the love that I love.

R Kelly - Ignition

Crystall poppin in the stretch Navigator
We got food every where As if the party was catored
We got fellas to my left
Hunnies on my right
We bring em both together we got junkin all night
Then after the show its the (after party)
And after the party its the (hotel lobby)
And round about 4 you gotta (clear the lobby)
Then head take it to the room and fuck somebody

Tamia - Officiallt Missisng You

All I hear is raindrops
Falling on the rooftop
Oh baby tell me why'd you have to go
Cause this pain I feel
It wont go away
And today I'm officially missing you

I thought that from this heartache
I could escape
But I fronted long enough to know
There ain't no way
And today
I'm officially missing you
Oh can't nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it stays on my mind
And I, I'm officially missing you.

Love you baby. And again, happy birthday.
Bernz

Mood - Fustrated

Ok, I'm sorry for all I've done to you.. Over and over again..

bernz

Mood= ........ stoned ........
Song= K-C and JoJo- all my life

School started 3 days ago.. already stressing. Figured I have to grab hold of the MYP diploma and score high for my IGCSE's.. but those come later during the year. AND I have to do like a mini extended essay.. I personally know that what I'm doing is easy and like I said again.. I wanna grab hold of the MYP diploma. Enough of school.. I'm not finished with my homework yet anyways..

When given art homework to write about 'myself' I thought ok, should be easy to do. Until I actually am doing it now.. I don't know what to write.. doing it now and have been doing it for the past 2 hours. Does that mean that I don't really yet who I am? I think I know.. but maybe I don't. Ahhh.. Looks like I won't be finishing this homework..

I'm a 'stealer'.. I'm 'retared' and I'm upset... yes.. that the friday chalet surprise party for John's 18th birthday as been broken out to him..
Why?
Me la...
I really wanted to see the look on his face when Liz, Daniel, Denise, Sara, Jody and the rest gives him this surprise that we have been planning for over 2 weeks now. I can imagine that he would be damn happy and I guess the picture I have in my mind is all I have..
Baby, I hope that you'll be happy for what we have all done for you. I love you and Happy Birthday.

bernz

Mood = Lonely
Song I'm listening to = Usher - Burn

ok.. this is esp for stella. I'm really sorry I skrewed up your birthday this year. I didn't didn't take to account that something like this HUGE would happen. I know this thingy was like the most -important- thing in your life but really.. if it happened then I'm sorry la.. I already said that I was really sorry so now I just have to wait for you to forgive me. Nothing much I can do. And anyways.. you know I love you.. so I hope you know that I'm feeling really bad about this..

bernz