Tired.

Song= John Mayer - Clarity (yes, I'm listening to John Mayer again.)

I'm so so tired. I don't think that I can handle another problem in my life. Not now. I'm too bloody tired to do so. I don't need anymore problems in my life thank-you-very-much. And don't ask me if I'm fine.. Cause even if I am or not, I'll say that I am.

I'm Just Too Bloody Tired..
I'm sorry John, Ge, Ben, Maroof and anyone else for that matter..

Ge - I'm sorry for what I said that night. I never meant it. I guess that I was just too caught up with what was going on I said it without thinking. I never meant to hurt you. I love you Ge ge.

Ben - Yes, another one. I'm sorry for what i said that night as well. I said it without thinking. I know that all this is part of life.. I had my ups and now it's the downs I guess. Thanks for everything... talking to me, cheering me up, telling me that everything will be fine. I know it will be. Btw, I'm really proud of you and June. You understanding boy. Don't know how you can take it. =p Cause honestly I wouldn't be able too! Again, I'm sorry. Thanks for understanding. Hope that everyting between you and June will be fine soon.. I know it will be.. Cheer up.

Maroof - Hooz, I really wasn't trying to be mean. It was the wrong timing when you asked me how I was and stuff. Anyways, sorry that I brush you off like that... I just really didn't wanna talk about it. Hope that everything's fine with you anyways..

John - Just plainly.. Sorry.. for everything. Hope you're happy.
Happy 8... er-- Ya right.

This is me, Now.

Mood= Dead
Song= Nelly Ft. Tim - Over and Over

Sometimes people think that I'm happy... no matter what happens. If I broke up with my guy the night before or if I just lost my friend. I've lost plently of friends and broke up with my guy* tons of times. But I still keep a happy face. That's the outside and honestly, no one knows how I feel inside.. If I'm really as happy as I look and i can tell you now that I'm messed up inside. I smile just to make the day look better but no, it's not a real smile. If there was ever one day where I didn't smile just for a minute or two, that's when I finally can't take it anymore and broke down.. I'm reaching that point though.

I have done and said many stupid things in my life. I say too much of what I think and what I feel and that lead me to here. Now I wish that I never said them, but then would I be lying? I don't wanna lie to get myself into trouble but instead, I told the truth and put myself in a even difficult position. Now what the hell am I supposed to do next time? Keeping it shut would be the best idea for now.

I've come to realise that when ever one of those talks happens, it's always about what he wants and what he feels. I asked him yesterday, do you know how I feel? And he said no, it's rather obvious when you want things your way but what about what I want? Love works both ways like you told me and all along, it has only been one-sided. What you thought, what you wanted, what I was made to decide.. No, I can't take it. I can't take it like you think I can. I don't wanna decide and be forced to tell you that I wanna be just friends. I don't wanna do any of that becuase I don't wanna be just friends! I never wanted a day like yesterday but I guess that was what you wanted. Now wasn't it? I remember you asked me, if we actually got back together how long it would last, and I thought about it and I really thought that it would last longer... why? because I started looking at him differently, I trusted him more, I loved him more, and I was bloody gonna put alot more effort into this! But hey.. all wasted now. See... I thought that I could just figure everything out, change myself and start over. Everytime we break up I cry my eyes out but I don't want to anymore! Cause I've cried so much for him already. And you hurt me so much yesterday, I don't see how you could take it if you cared.

It's funny how what my friends thought affect you but not me. I didn't give a damn what they thought but you did. I really don't see how. You let a feeling get between all this. A feeling that doesn't have to happen if we work at it. You wanted it this way, I didn't. But I guess that whatever is said here makes no difference anyways. What said has been said and no I don't want you to do anything. You just did what I don't want you to do.

I really don't have anything else to say, I don't wanna say anything else. I'm tired. I tried for nothing.
Anyways, you can go hang out with your friends now. I think that you're happy about that and I'm happy for you. It just funny how all this doesn't seem to affect you. At least not half as much as me. Ohwell.. Good luck. I'm gonna try and be your friend.. that is if i'm able to take it.

Manhunt

Mood= Sicky

I just realised that every single woman out there watches Manhunt... and is currently drooling over their sexxy body. And honestly.. I'm not interested in it at all.. they are all too buff for me. I like my guys simple. =)) Like... the pacts of John, the built of cris, the height of yu shu... but I'm sticking to John. ^^

America's Next Top Model pleassseee.. =D

back.

I want it all back.
.
.
.
i know i do.
.
.
.
i've never given up on you.
and i never will.