I will no longer be there.

Mood= Moody
Song= The Ataris - The Boys of Summer

This morning on the way to school, I was listening to Class 95 and everyday the DJ's will come up of a topic to discuss about. So today, it was if a man can survive without a woman in their life. My mum said that woman can be independent but man cannot. More or less I agreed, I just comparing to what I knew. And weirdly enough, John Mayer's Your Body is A Wonderland came on.. instead of changing the chanel, I raised one eyebrow and smiled to myself. One minute I can hate that song so much and the next who knows.. I'm singing along to it.

I've seriously had enough of all this bull-shit.After what happened yesterday, instead of me and fie giving each other silent treatment we actually became closer. It was probably cause I was so sick of all this 3 way oh-i-don't-like-you-anymore-bitch kinda thing. It's been going on for a good one and a half years, it's about time it stopped. I don't want to have anything against her or him. We talked about everything, especially him. Nothing too good or bad, just saying whatever I'm so tired about. If having to wait for 2 weeks is long, what about 2 months then? Aahh.. I'm through with you. Two months is long enough, I don't see a point at drowning myself all the time, having to call up Ben or Ge just to scream at them and complain. I don't want to walk to school knowning I'll see you somehwere with her being so ass close even if you guys were going out there wouldn't be a difference. Dear, not everything will go your way. You refuse to admit defeat and you're stressing over something which you know will hurt me but it doesn't look like you care, so why should I anymore? There are a lot of things I know that happened or you lied when we were seeing each other. I asked you so many times and you lied again and again. Don't think I'm stupid, I know what happened. I'm just keeping my mouth shut and anyways, if I asked you would say that I don't trust you an we would have another big arguement. Honeslty, I didn't trust you as much, I did, but I know when you are lying. I probably fell for everything because everything you said was so convincing. Anyways, in general, it looks like you treat her better now then you treated me. And so I admit that I didn't treat you like royalty either. I admit that I lied quite a number of times but as time passed, I changed. Did you? Whatever.. it's the past. I just cannot keep all these things in me anymore, I have to say all these before I finally start to walk away. So yesh, take all this as what I never dared to say before but I have to now.

And just for the record, Benji and I are not dating.

And again, if you think that I'm here to diss about you or I'm using my trick or a guilt trip or whatever you're thinking. No. This is what I'm feeling right now and all along. Plus, when I (and most girls in general) tell you what/how I feel or what I think that is going to happen, what other people think, I'm not looking for a solution.. I'm just simply telling you how I feel. Just so that you know, work on it and create a better bond between us. Take this into account becuase I am not looking for a solution or for you to solve it. You did that all along, so this is why we are in this state. But i'm not putting full blame on you, I probably didn't understand somethings as well.

Anyways, I'm tired and it's about time I let go. So.. Good luck and hopefully we still can be friends.. It's your choice. And between you and fie, it is totally out of my control. Understand where fie is coming from. You have to start thinking both ways and a relationship is not one sided. I'll be around if you need anything or if one day something pops up between you and your girl, I'll be there if you need someone to talk to.

So take care, don't stress out too much and...
Goodbye.