-_-

Song= All Star United - La la land

I missed school today. Couldn't get my ass up til 12.
Instead.. I spent the whole day packing...
Dammit.. I should have gotten my ass up this morning... I miss school.
I miss my babies, hunnies, sayangs....

But on the other hand...

I'm starting to find English, French, Chinese, Indo, Canto, Hokkien, Malay, Spanish or any other fucking language very fucking annoying...
I think that it's just today....
yeah.
It's just today....

J

For you.

I realised that I still.. very much love you.
Days of me saying that "That's it.. I'm gonna let him go", don't exist to me anymore.
It was a hard one and a half week..
But I'm not going to be so happy too soon,
Things have only just started, it has to continue this way to make things back to what they were again.
You thought me how to first trust myself, and to respect others.
Next biggie... is that lying isn't going to get me anywhere and that I have lied to you countless of times though I never meant to. So here's my last big apology for all I have caused and for all that I have hurt.
Never will I lie to you again, but if I do (hopefully not), for some good reason, I will own up for my mistake. I won't keep it to myself and you finding out yourself. It hurts more this way.

Forgive me and I swear, I will treat you and love you like no other. I'm not going to loose you again.

You make me complete. Without you, I bleed in the inside.
Drowning myself in my own misery,
Blaming myself for my own causes.
Wishing you are right next to me,
Telling me how things are going to be fine.
As you are my leaning shoulder,
The one who will guide me when I can't see.
You make everything around me complete.
And til you tell me that everything's going to be fine,
I'll still be bleeding in the inside.
Searching for the words to tell you,
How much I love you and that I never meant to hurt you.

So I didn't say this in awhile, and I know that I still do.
I love you.

Rain.

Song= Jack Johnson - Flake

It's raining outside.
One look at the sky, makes me want to cry.
Memories of a hundred and one fills my mind.
Of how we used to stay in, hide under the covers and hug to keep warm.
And the smile on your face that melted my heart.
Of how we would channel surf til we fall asleep,
And to wake up to find your arms around me.
Of how I would tell you that I love you,
And that you would tell me that you loved me too.
Of you playing GB,
And me laughing at your cute little smiles and cheers that you won.
Of how you used to always tickle me,
And how I could never tickle you back.
Of how we made promises,
Agreeing that we would have 3 kids, and have our honeymoon decided at the airport to where ever I point to on the departrue board. (Even if it's just to KL!)
Of how we said that we'll be together forever.
And I still remember how happy I was.

It's still raining outside.
I'll get out from under the covers,
And look for you.
Even if it's still rainig outside.

Mood= Helpless

As each day passes by... We drift further and further apart.
Soon enough, I won't be able to see your face.
Even if you stand right infront of me.
As I stand there... waiting for you.

On bended knee

Song= Boys II Men - On bended knee

Darlin' I can't explain
Where did we lose our way
Girl (boy) it's drivin' me insane
And I know I just need one more chance
To prove my love to you
If you come back to me
I'll guarantee
That I'll never let you go

Can we go back to the days our love was strong
Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong
Can somebody tell me how to get things back
The way they use to be
Oh God give me a reason
I'm down on bended knee
I'll never walk again until you come back to me
I'm down on bended knee

So many nights I dream of you
Holding my pillow tight
I know I don't need to be alone
When I open up my eyes
To face reality
Every moment without you
It seems like eternity
I'm begging you, begging you come back to me

Can we go back to the days our love was strong
Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong
Can somebody tell me how to get things back
The way they use to be
Oh God give me a reason
I'm down on bended knee
I'll never walk again until you come back to me
I'm down on bended knee

Gonna swallow my pride
Say I'm sorry
Stop pointing fingers the blame is on me
I want a new life
And I want it with you
If you feel the same
Don't ever let it go
You gotta believe in the spirit of love
It can heal all things
We won't hurt any more
No I don't believe our love's terminal
I'm down on my knees begging you please
Come home

Can we go back to the days our love was strong
Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong
Can somebody tell me how to get things back
The way they use to be
Oh God give me a reason
I'm down on bended knee
I'll never walk again until you come back to me
I'm down on bended knee

Wanna build a new life
Just you and me
Gonna make you my wife (husband)
Raise a family

Song= The Used - Taste of Ink

I still really miss you.
I still love you.
And I still want you back...

Do you?...

Sympathy.

Song= All Star United - Angels

If I died today, Would you care?
It just came to my mind, of how people go through all this misery of hurting themselves after a break up.
Is it worth it? I asked myself. No... And that's why I never hurt myself. I'm too fragile for that. I'm already weak inside.
So I really wonder. Why people cut themselves, overdose of sleeping pills and all that.
Do they feel more pain then I do?
It didn't hit me yet.

Still.

"Still John's Property".

A few minutes of happiness.

Chat.

Mood= Happy
Song= Ludacris - Splash Waterfalls

This is one of the few retarded chats I have with nico and george.

17.09.04

(= Bern =) .don't flatter yourself now. www.mis-independent.blogspot.com says:
WHAT ABOUT YOU GEORGE?!
[GeO] why can't i? says:
bern ask nivo never ask me
(= Bern =) .don't flatter yourself now. www.mis-independent.blogspot.com says:
fucker..
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
hahahahah
[GeO] why can't i? says:
OF COURSE I WILL CARE
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
geo you idiot
[GeO] why can't i? says:
i will tear that bastard apart
[GeO] why can't i? says:
shut up nivo
[GeO] why can't i? says:
lol
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
man
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
if its you who slaps her geo
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
you better start running
(= Bern =) .don't flatter yourself now. www.mis-independent.blogspot.com says:
haahhaha
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
im gonna shuv a sate stick up yo ass
[GeO] why can't i? says:
if its u who slaps her man ... your're too late
(= Bern =) .don't flatter yourself now. www.mis-independent.blogspot.com says:
for a fact.. i know that nico will never slap me.
[GeO] why can't i? says:
yea
[GeO] why can't i? says:
me too
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
haha ill let you slap me and il look at you like wtf?
[GeO] why can't i? says:
wa
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
and then shuv the sate stick up your ass
[GeO] why can't i? says:
i cannot take this
(= Bern =) .don't flatter yourself now. www.mis-independent.blogspot.com says:
oooh. george is having a mental breakdown... wooooooo!
[GeO] why can't i? says:
shut up
(= Bern =) .don't flatter yourself now. www.mis-independent.blogspot.com says:
wtf...
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
yeah geo
(= Bern =) .don't flatter yourself now. www.mis-independent.blogspot.com says:
ok.. now. seriously.. wtf

same chat.. different section.

[GeO] why can't i? says:
i wanna laugh in nivo's face
(= Bern =) .don't flatter yourself now. www.mis-independent.blogspot.com says:
................
(= Bern =) .don't flatter yourself now. www.mis-independent.blogspot.com says:
go ahead..
(= Bern =) .don't flatter yourself now. www.mis-independent.blogspot.com says:
see what you get lor..
[GeO] why can't i? says:
lor
[GeO] why can't i? says:
leh
[GeO] why can't i? says:
la
[GeO] why can't i? says:
lo
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
haha you always changin the subject geo
[GeO] why can't i? says:
yea i know man
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
come on man
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
laugh in my face
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
its right here
[GeO] why can't i? says:
ahhahahahahahha
[GeO] why can't i? says:
mhahahahhahaha
[GeO] why can't i? says:
muahhahahaha
[GeO] why can't i? says:
hahahha
[GeO] why can't i? says:
whahhhaha
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
more man
[GeO] why can't i? says:
mhhahahaha'
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
you done yet?
[GeO] why can't i? says:
a picture is a thousand words
[GeO] why can't i? says:
(emotions)
[GeO] why can't i? says:
(emotions)
[GeO] why can't i? says:
(emotions)
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
(emotions)
[GeO] why can't i? says:
(emotions)
[GeO] why can't i? says:
(emotions)
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
haha
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
so mate
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
you think your higher up then me?
[GeO] why can't i? says:
(emotions)
[GeO] why can't i? says:
nah it does not matter
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
hahaha
[GeO] why can't i? says:
i jus wanna show u the finger (middle finger)
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
alrighty
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
im very insulted
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
man
[GeO] why can't i? says:
and the loser
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
yep
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
totally sad now
[GeO] why can't i? says:
_\_ ooh look ... its nico's dick
[GeO] why can't i? says:
lol
[GeO] why can't i? says:
ok sorry
[GeO] why can't i? says:
cheer up
(= Bern =) .don't flatter yourself now. www.mis-independent.blogspot.com says:
o... that was really really sad.
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
. oh look its georges dick
[GeO] why can't i? says:
ahahhahahhahahahhahaha
(= Bern =) .don't flatter yourself now. www.mis-independent.blogspot.com says:
AHAHAH
[GeO] why can't i? says:
hahahahahaha
[GeO] why can't i? says:
ahahahah
[GeO] why can't i? says:
ahahahahahahhaha
[GeO] why can't i? says:
that was damn good man
[GeO] why can't i? says:
<----- look at nico [GeO] why can't i? says: no dick
(= Bern =) .don't flatter yourself now. www.mis-independent.blogspot.com says:
ok.. you ruined it george..
[GeO] why can't i? says:
shut up
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
haha
[GeO] why can't i? says:
i am on a rool
[GeO] why can't i? says:
roll
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
so you think
[GeO] why can't i? says:
fuck
[GeO] why can't i? says:
ok fine
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
ahaha
[GeO] why can't i? says:
bern u gonna get it
[GeO] why can't i? says:
i really feel like slappin you now
[GeO] why can't i? says:
i mean really
[GeO] why can't i? says:
really really slappin you
[GeO] why can't i? says:
bitch - slapping you

[GeO] why can't i? has left the conversation.
(= Bern =) .don't flatter yourself now. www.mis-independent.blogspot.com says:
ahha
(= Bern =) .don't flatter yourself now. www.mis-independent.blogspot.com says:
retarded
(= Bern =) .don't flatter yourself now. www.mis-independent.blogspot.com says:
he has issues
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
hahaha yah
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
i think i got him with the dick thing
(= Bern =) .don't flatter yourself now. www.mis-independent.blogspot.com says:
you did.. but then he seriously ruined it...
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
yeah
Nico ooh think twice its just another day for you and me in paradise says:
ahah
(= Bern =) .don't flatter yourself now. www.mis-independent.blogspot.com says:
haha
(= Bern =) .don't flatter yourself now. www.mis-independent.blogspot.com says:
retarded....
(= Bern =) .don't flatter yourself now. www.mis-independent.blogspot.com says:
add him again?
(= Bern =) .don't flatter yourself now. www.mis-independent.blogspot.com says:
its so fun to make fun of him..
[GeO] why can't i?

has been added to the conversation.

(= Bern =) .don't flatter yourself now. www.mis-independent.blogspot.com says:
awwww.. lil baby's sad?...
(= Bern =) .don't flatter yourself now. www.mis-independent.blogspot.com says:
=D

[GeO] why can't i? has left the conversation.

(= Bern =) .don't flatter yourself now. www.mis-independent.blogspot.com says:
HAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHA

grace and I on the 15.09.04

im blazing music into my ears just to stop me from THK of you...My heart had broken into pieces..seperatin apart n neva Come back says:
shit, im thking abt him again!
(= Bern =) [ Do you know where I stand? ] says:
THINK... WE KISSING! MAKING OUT!
(= Bern =) [ Do you know where I stand? ] says:
oh yesssss...
(= Bern =) [ Do you know where I stand? ] says:
hehe
im blazing music into my ears just to stop me from THK of you...My heart had broken into pieces..seperatin apart n neva Come back says:
.
im blazing music into my ears just to stop me from THK of you...My heart had broken into pieces..seperatin apart n neva Come back says:
hahahahaha
(= Bern =) [ Do you know where I stand? ] says:
get your mind off him la..
im blazing music into my ears just to stop me from THK of you...My heart had broken into pieces..seperatin apart n neva Come back says:
it seriously does the trick you know!
(= Bern =) [ Do you know where I stand? ] says:
i know!
(= Bern =) [ Do you know where I stand? ] says:
ahahha
(= Bern =) [ Do you know where I stand? ] says:
its so awesome.

My online chats wouldn't have been so retardedly funny if it weren't for you guys. Thank you!
You guys make my time online worth it.. =D Esp you george.. fucking funny! hahha! You know I love you.. =p

Mood= Crappy
Song= Maroon 5 - She will be loved.

I'm not gonna get you back now am I?... I'm trying.. so hard I don't know what to do anymore. I want you back so much.. but I don't think that you want me back. Like I said.. I can change. But it's all up to you now and it feels like I'm in the middle. Middle of hanging on and letting go. It's like you left me there... in the middle. I wanna hang on though.. I wanna.

Something happened today which freaked me out because I was thinking about him... too much.
It was around 5, I was telling my friend how much I missed him and want him back. He then said that it's gonna be ok and that I'll get him back (5 seconds of happiness) and that I shouldn't worry so much. While replying, I fell asleep and I had a dream that I got back together with him after UN auditions. I woke up after that. It was scary as fuck. I got really sad and I didn't want to fall back asleep afraid that I'll dream about him again. (but I did half an hour later....)

So I know that it's gonna be alot harder for you to forgive me now. So I know. But I'm so sorry.. So so sorry. I know that sorry is not enough. But what I once feared most, came true. And I’m crying the tears I once would never have.

Back Here.

Mood= Confused.
Song= BBMak - Back here

Baby set me free from this misery
I can't take it no more
Since you went away nothing's been the same
Don't know what I'm living for
Here I am so alone
And there's nothing in this world I can do

Chorus
Until you're back here baby
Miss you want you need you so
Until you're back here baby yeah
There's a feeling inside I want you to know
You are the one and I can't let you go

So I told you lies even made you cry
Baby I was so wrong
Boy I promise you now my love is true
This is where my heart belongs
Cuz here I am so alone
And there's nothing in this world I can do

Chorus

And I wonder, are you thinking of me
Cuz I'm thinking of you
And I wonder
Are you ever coming back in my life?
Cuz here I am so alone
And there's nothing in this world I can do

Chorus to fade

would rather.

Mood= cannot-be-assed-with-anything-or-anybody
Song= Switchfoot - Meant to live

I would rather look at the pouring rain than look at you.
I would rather talk about me than you.
I would rather wonder into my dreams without you.
I would rather see a message from him/her than you.
I would rather think about what I'm gonna do than you.
I would rather walk away than watch you smiling.
I would rather say I'm ok when I'm not.
I would rather not....

Really.

Mood= Lifeless
Song= no decent songs in my com for a time like this.


2.20am, Wednesday 15th September 2004.
Ohk... *blank*


So this is it. Really.... ---- Really.

Reality check.

Mood= Unhappy.. -_-
Song= Petey Pablo ft. Ciara - My Goodies

Wow.. what the hell. nearly everyone I know are arguing..
It's the arguing season.

Whatever...

If I said that I don't care anymore, it would sound like I don't love you anymore. But the fact is that I do fucking love you, but the things you do doesn't make me happy. Some things. Then now I'm thinking.. I won't fucking care anymore... It may look like it but in the inside I'm all confused. I may be all like, Whatever la.. what the fuck. Then on the other hand I'm just... Lost. Confused. And I know that I didn't mean what I said. In a way I'm lying to myself but nah... I know how I feel and I'm just hiding it. Just hiding it...

So I'm trying to get over what I'm feeling right now. I talked to faris... I talked to Travis and let him listen to Maroof's awesome technos (hahah!) and bounce our heads to it. I let Nico listen to it and let him diss about the songs. At least I'm trying to cheer myself up! They are the..... funny people. =)

So now.. I'm blasting music into my ears so loud that even half way down the classroom my freinds can even hear what I'm listening to. It calms me down. A hell load. With mostly all techno and rnb mixes from Maroofs and... more of songs like Maroon 5, Ashlee Simpson, Jason Mraz and those kinds from Ge's.. Thank God for Maroofs iPod and Ge's.. =) Got 2 iPods on my lap.. I feel so rich. =D But then.. they are not mine. I want one.. *HINTS* =D
Holy crap.. the loud music is actually making me fall asleep..... zzzzzz..
oooh.. Sleepless nights is playing.. =) hehe... Nico sounds so funny. I actually forgot about this song...

Anyways.. I'm off.. Gonna blast more music! and thank god it's the 2nd last lesson of the day... sigh. This is one of the few days where I wished I was not in school.

...

Fucking Fucktard,

is a bit like,

Retardedly Retarded,

which also can be,

Idiotically Idiotic.

[ ] Have you checked the time?... I've got my reasons to be awesomely weird right now... I think that my I-didn't-sleep-for-nearly-a-day started kicking in [ ]

Sing along!

Sunday morning rain is falling...

*and you add the rest, Thank You.*

Mood= Bouncy
Song= Usher - Confessions Part II

Ok.. so in about 30 days I'm moving house! wheeeeee! It's awesome. I'm moving to a place 100 times closer to the border then I live now. Less then 5 minutes to the checkpoint. Ahh.. All the reasons to come out on sunday. But then, I thought that I'll actually be this happy if I move back to Sg but.. ahh.. this is good enough. I have been blessed. =)

Oh yes yes.. Happy Birthday Gor Gor.. or Kor Kor.

The ring came back on for good now. I hope that I'll never have to take it out again...

You know what sucks?... Having to actually work in Dr. Mathews class... When thats my slack class! If not I'll be kicked down to core clas... with Miss Vick! *Gasp* Oh I have to work... Even Aura is working.. *pout* my homework buddy.

Oh Weeeee! I get the UN dance.. oh hell yeah.

Sigh... No more friends. This is sad. Yesterday was officially my last 'awesome' monday. A monday that I used to look forward too.

Oh what the hell.. for a moment I'm all happy and the next I'm all sighs.
If I get any more confusing I might have to check myself into Woodbridge.

Song= Black Eyed Peas - Anxiety

Actually... now.. I feel that. That something has changed. You felt it before me and now I feel it.
Maybe I know what it is.. but then maybe again I don't. Ohwell... I'll get over it. Soon enough.

ooh.. I'm having the temptation to slap someone in the face right now. =D Hands a bit itchy. But then... I'm a nice girl and I don't slap people... I'd rather punch. =D

I just realised that... ISS has too many people that are alike. OK, Maybe not that much but there it is;
Bi Bi reminds John of Faith. haha.. They don't look alike but Bi Bi is an awesome girl. =D she's so so cute.
Ameila (I think thats how you spell her name) reminds me of Amanda. They sound a bit alike actually.. except that Amelia has a British accent and Amanda has an American accent. Anyways, Amelia is a damn nice girl... I like her accent. hehe..
Aura and I are tooo much alike. Not in our looks but personality and what we do.. oh ho ho.. Lets see.. Homework, we think alike, I used to have her attitude, and we make an awesome team.. if that is that we really don't wanna work in class. haha..
Fie and I are alike.. But this time it's how we dress. Lets see.. shirt, pants and converse shoes. shirt, pants and converse shoes.. and the story bra!

I'm starting to like my art book even more now. oh yes, I'm proud. Maybe cause, just maybe, I've been doing my art work.

Wow.. I went more then half a day without the ring on for the first time. First I felt naked.. then my hands felt light.. now my hands feel heavy.. and pecliuar. And I've been taking very bad care of it..

And anyways, I don't think I should look anymore.. Then I might just be happier that way. The trust is there.. it is. I'm just un-happy about it. But like I said.. I'll get over it.

Always when we fight,
I kiss you once or twice,
And everythings forgotten,
I know you hate that.

Lonely Nights.

Mood= Crappy
Song= Boys 2 Men - On bended knee

Oh what the hell...
Winamp just died on me.
There goes my only source oh entertaiment to keep me awake,
For this night..
This fucking night to do my homework.
Like every night.

I just found out that.. I think too much.
Too too much.
My thoughts run wild on me..
In me.
Then I start feeling like crap,
Like I am now...
Oh get this feeling out of me.

But then...
Oh what the hell..
Here I am thinking about things again.

I need something.. someone.
Someone who'll be my guiding star,
Who'll wipe my tears away,
and make me feel loved again.
Someone who puts a smile on my face,
Like no other.
Or just call me to tell me you love me,
or miss me.
An that's when I know you are true,
Behind a disguised mask.

I'm complicated^^

Song= Destiny's child- bootylicious

~~I really cannot be bothered with anything right now.
But I'm actually bothered to do this thingy my friend sent me.
This is how complicated I am. *smiles*

1. What is your full name? Bernadette Lim Ying Lin (dont any of yuo dare call me by my chinese name.. Grrrr
2. Sex or Ice-cream: Ice cream then sex.. So that I can burn off all the fats I took in. =) haha
4. What colour underwear you got on right now? Er... Redish pink...
5. What u doin right now? Doing this... and I'm in CT class.. Supposingly doing my work but I got bored...
6. What was the last thing that you did? Went to the bathroom...
7. What is right next to you? Fie!
8. What is your computer desk made of? Wood at home but the schools one is... hard hard plastic.
9. Who was the last person you ate out with? mum, ben, benita and tons of other uncles and aunts.
10. If you were a toy, what would you be? A big big big big big teddy bear. =)
11. Where would you want to go on your honeymoon? Er... I don't know actually. Just somewhere which I can enjoy and spend my time with him.
12. Who would you want to spend the rest of your life with? Haha.. I would say John.
13. How many buddies do you have on your list? More or less 145..
14. Hows the weather right now? Cooling.. It just rained.
15. Have you ever-smoked pot? Nope..
16. Last person you spoke to on the phone? John
17. Who do you most admire? Don't know..
18. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yeah sure.. she my biatch.. =)
19. What do u think a toblarone is? A chocolate bar.. Yes? I don't like it though..
20.fav m&m? M&M crispy!!!
21. Whose ur dream date? The guy from A Cinderella Story! "Austin Ames".
22. Age? 15
23. Hair color? Black.
24. Height? Give or take.. 160cm.
25. Do you wear contacts? Nope.. Never have. I think it's really disgusting though.. The whole finger in the eye... *grosses out*
26.What schools did/do you attend? Kindergarden in serangoon, PLMGPS, YZPS, WIDIS (in China) and now in ISS.
27. Who you consider your best/closest friends? Hmmm.. Alot la.. like, Fie, Stella, Benita, Nico, George, Sara(singapore), Sarah(finland), Sara(sweden), John.. well.. He's my guy. And many more who I forgot to mention. =)
28. What was the best advice given to you? Hm... Don't know. Forgot..
29. Have you ever won any special awards? Ya.. I remember one of them was for dancing on stage once when I was like 6.. Oh it was retarded.
30. What are your future goals? Go to a good uni, get married, have kids.. bla bla bla and the story goes on.
31. Fav movie? I'll have to say.. 2 Fast 2 Furious but I love Finding Nemo too!
32. Fav month? May!
33. Fav girls perfume? J'adore, Dolly girl, Eau de parfum II.
34. fav boys cologne? Echo, Nautica and the one John wears.. the CK one.
35. Do you like to dance? Haha.. I like.. but I can't dance for shit.
36. Are you too shy to ask somebody out? Not really anymore.. Used to be damn shy.. A few people would know.. hehe.
37. If you could change your name, what would it be? Haha.. I'm used to my name which quite alot of people cannot pronounce.
38. Worse sickness you ever had? Migrane..
39. Do you sleep naked? Have a few times... It's nice!
40. Have you ever been in love? *nods*
41. What is the most stupid thing you ever done? Oh.. I do so so many stupid things they all even out in the end..
42. What will your first daughter's name be? Jessica? Don't know.. that was the first name that came up in my mind.
43. Fav drink? Pink Dolphin.. and lots others which I'm too lazy to type out.
44. Christmas or Easter? Christmas.. PRESENTS! *huge ass grin*
45. Lust or love? *thinking*.. LOve. =)
46. Kisses or hugs? Kisses
47. If you could change one thing about your body what would it be? My thighs!..
48. Fav song? Tons.. But right now, Wannadies - You and me song.
49. have you ever Done Cyber? Nope.
50. What did you think of this survey? Good to pass time la..
51. Do you want your friends to write back? Ok.. this questions doesn't really fit in here..
52. Fav board game? Don't play anymore..
53. Fav thing about opposite sex? How they treat me like a princess.. ahha! kidding. Just how much they care for you la..
54. Worst feeling in the world? When I'm having a fight with John.
55. Fav sound? His voice.. =) Ohh.. So mooshie.
56. What's the 1st thing you think of in the morning? Oh fuck... I'm going back to sleep...
57. How many rings before you answer the phone? Depends on where my phone is la..
58. What will be your first car? BMW Coupe.. not too much to ask yeah? =p
59.What's your sign? Taurus
60. If you could have any job in the world what it be? .. Mm.. Don't know la... I'll be the worlds no.1 slacker. wait.. I already am! =p
61. Are you lefty, righty or ambidextrous? I'm a righty!
62. Whats under your bed? Dust and dog fur...
63. Whats your fav number? 8
64. Whats your fav sport? Badminton, Volleyball, Softball, Netball...
65. Say one thing nice about the person who sent you this? Graceeeeieeeee! Biatch.. I love you.. *pout* Nico misses you too.


Ok.. considering that Fie is beside me right now.. This is for her.. I Love FIE! She's sexyyy... Gets all the frigging guys you know! Me jealous... hahahah..

Me.

I'm starting to believe that I'm a very boring person...
Yeah.. Just started to believe.

I'm not able to make anyone laugh..
Well... More like I'm incapable to.

It's where I live that makes me such a boring person.
I'm just putting the blame on something else but me.

I'm really starting to hate my life too...
Not starting.. already have a long time ago.

All mixed up.

Song= Tamia - Dear John

My friend told me today, that it's better to be his friend then his girl.
It's actually very true. Memories then filled my mind about how the word 'fight' would never have been thought about when we were Ge and Mei. I'm starting to get really sick and tired of all these fights. One fight every 4 days. How fucked up is that? And every single time we both get hurt so much, we don't talk and... nothing's the same. I once told myself, I was a strong girl.. but no.. I'm not. Crying wouldn't be an option.. oh btw, I didn't cry today if you were wondering. Fie, cris, marc, geo, and nico tried their best to cheer me up. Thanks guys. Fie.. I'm really sorry you always have to see me in a state where you don't want to see me in.

I've told you once too many times if you're not happy with me. Tell me. I'll let go of what that doesn't want to be with me.. Or feel happy with me. I'm sorry I can't make you happy. i'm not fit to be your girl huh...

You said that you love me but you don't wanna be with me. Fine.. I understand. Then why are you still with me?

Everything's falling apart... Including us.

Few long talks.. One long moment to myself.

Mood= Stoned
Song= Wannadies - you and me song

I had a really long talk to fu bro about relationships.. I've known him for over 5 years. He has seen me change and I've known him longer then anyone else in school except for cris.
He told me about his ex and I told him about John.
We both agree on most things.
We are both.. in a way, scared.
We both are scared of losing our loved ones and hurting them.
We both always have fights with our significant others once in a week.
We both give in.
We both trust and r.e.s.p.e.c.t each other.
Thanks for being there bro~~^^

On the other hand, I had another long talk to Nico as well.
I didn't talk to him in a long time. It really is a long time.
We mainly just talked about... Hawaii!
How he's gonna bring me there.. and Perth as well!
So I'm gonna spend spend all his money.. and save Johns. =)
And Nico... If you want Miki back. Go ahead. Give it a try. I'll support you all the way. =)
Only if you get JEN out of your mind.. alamak. She reminds me of grace.

And John... I talk to you everyday on MSN.. But they are always so..... silent.
Why is that?
We can never seem to pick up a conversation.
At least a proper one...
I feel kinda shitty and upset about that actually.

Ge.. pls stop being so so dirty minded. And, practice on your Tic Tac Toe skills.. you really really do suck. =p

Fie, Thanks for being there. I might give fake smiles.. but no one can tell, beause I hide them very well. But at least it's still a smile. You know.. just recently I broke down. I never did before... I'm not that strong after all. Thanks for being there anyways.

I've changed recently.. I'll like to know who I am now.
Just... Gimme time.
I'll change back to the bubbly and cheerful me with countless smiles for you.

Just what I need.

I need happier songs in my life. All I have are.. break ups, love, break ups, love, break ups, love.
Love songs may not exactly be happy songs.
No... not really.

.............................................

I'll let you go... If you're happier off without me.

I swear... On my fucking life.

These are the few things, I FUCKING SWEAR I'll never do again...

1. Go into her livejournal.
2. Talk about her anymore.
3. Or basically anything about her anymore.
4. Think I can handle what I obviously can't.
5. Make him loose his trust in me (already have anyways...)

Bascially...